wrong for telling people what they are. We are working on improving our relational patience this month and we would be remiss if we didn’t discuss the ultimate impatience- judgement.
Judgment is deciding you already know what a movie is about just because you saw the trailer. You block the flow of competing information into your brain and you block the flow of love out of your heart.
When we judge, what we say is I am incapable of managing this aspect of your behavior and therefore, I’m going to call it a flaw. The fact that we don’t like something about someone does not make it a flaw in that person.
For this, Lovemakerstudio offers the “No one is to blame re-frame”. Using words that focus on a mismatch between the two of you takes the responsibility off either party (See chart above).
When we phrase our interactions with others in terms of our potential flaws it improves our understanding of ourselves and, therefore, improves relationships. No one feels pressure to change. They actually feel light after the weight of your expectations has been removed.
Managing expectations about who they are is going to be a lot easier than changing who they are. Make, love…work-shop. offers coaching and counseling services to support this effort. Feel free to contact us to discuss further support or request a copy of the graphic.